capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just took my morning after pill in the library
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize