god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
