oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
