Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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