She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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