Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
