Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Help. Why am I so naked?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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