when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
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