You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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