Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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