Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
