how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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