ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
