I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize