At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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