So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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