Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
