im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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