how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
A bitchslap is in order.
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