Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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