JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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