He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
