# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
