FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
