At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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