SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
