I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I puked a lego.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
