Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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