I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
