So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
