He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize