I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
