I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize