Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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