I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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