I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
