Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
