Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
