What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
