oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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