There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
