Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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