Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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