WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
