He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
