He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize