Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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