I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize