We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dear god my vagina.
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