Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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