I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
