I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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