U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
