Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
