the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
