So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
