Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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