Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
