ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
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