Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
