it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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