I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
