Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize