I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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