we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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