Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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