Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
